What have I been doing this five days?

It’s in the middle of the night right now, but it’s Swedens nationality day tomorrow so we have a day off from school. Anyways, it’s been like 5 days since I posted, and I’m sorry about that. But I’ve had so much going on the latest couple of days. This weekend I was with my boyfriend, and I wanted to be with him and not keep up with the blog. I was in school today btw.

I was at the hospital two days ago, and I got some new medications that I’m going to take for 2 months. It’s exhausting. But it will turn out good, I hope.

Last Friday we were on a checkup for our car, everything was perfect with it.

Once I got home I took a glass of ice tea, it was good. Hahahahah, the bunny that’s on the floor is our bunny’s toy. He likes to lick on it??

Here is me and my boyfriend, I love him so so much. Look how cute we are, I miss him, but we will meet again on Friday <3.

I spent the whole weekend with my boyfriend, so on Saturday his best friend and his best friends girlfriend went with us and took a little bath in the little sea nearby. I’ve only swum in the ocean before, so it was the first time ever my foot was dipped in the sea.

I have to study for a test on the second world war tomorrow, not so fun :/

And I have the biggest stomach pain from the medications I’m taking right now, hope the pain fades off soon 😦

On my way home

You may think that I’ve been in bed all day and slept. No, I’ve been at a doctor in Gothenburg. We did some allergy tests, apparently I’m allergic to cats and dogs. But I’ve never felt anything when I’ve been petting dogs, so that’s weird.

Anyways, now I’m on my way home. I’m so tired, it’s not even fun. Tomorrow I’m going to my psychologist, not so fun either. I wish I didn’t need to go to all these places, on monday I’m going to the hospital again for my stomach.

I wish I was whole and well, I must have very bad carma 🙃

They dotted different liquides on my arm, then they poked tiny holes. And then they saw what I reacted to. It was so easy? But we went there because my pollen medications have stopped working.

Gothenburg looks so beautiful in the summer 😍

Now me and dad are blasting Avicii on the way home

A sad day

I LITERALLY CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.

My day has been shit. Shit from the beginning to the end. I missed school today for my pshycologist and for my doctor. Gonna miss the whole day tomorrow or just a little bit, don’t know. But I’m so stressed.

I have to run some more tests tomorrow, the doctor I had today was really good. So that calms me alot actually. I’m so scared that I have cancer, and I can notice on the doctors that they also are scared.

I don’t know how to feel happy, I’m sad all the fricking time. My pshycologist has diagnosed me with depression. He did it the last time I was there.

And it feels like I’m just talking about how I sad I am, and I feel like a problem. Because everybody talks about me like a problem. And I ruin for everybody all the time. But this blog is my diary.

Anyways, tomorrow I’m gonna try to watch a K-drama if I have time. One of my readers said I should watch it! And I defiently will!

The weather sucked today. Haha this day has been shit.

GOODMORNING!

Today I need to be home from school, I’m gonna go to a pshycologist and then a doctor. I just want it all to be over now, I hate to be in pain all the time.

And I hate to feel so lonely in this world (I know that I’m not lonely). I’m tired of all my sick thoughts. I just want it all to be okey again. Me having good grades and not worry about not being accepted to any schools.

Storytime: I stayed at the hospital for 3 weeks.

When I was 13 years old, 2 years ago now, I almost died, from internal bleeding. 

On easter 2016 I had a stomach pain, I’ve never had so much pain before. We went to the doctor, and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. I danced ballet at the time, and I had my lessons every Friday night. So Friday night the 1 April 2016, I started to get so sick, I wanted to throw up. So my mom and dad picked me up from my ballet class, when I got home everything was fine again.

I complained to my mom that night that it was some blood in the toilet after I was There. She said that we would check it up the next morning, because the clock was 1:00 AM. So I went to sleep, I woke up an hour later screaming for my mom and dad because I started puking. My dad helped me to the bathroom but I fainted 3 times. So they noticed that something was really wrong with me. It came blood from me once again. So they called the ambulance and I was sent to the hospital.

They searched every hole in my body, and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. But one doctor said “It could be a Meckels diverticulum”, but for them to see if it was a Meckels, they needed to do a special CT, I was at the hospital for a week. They sent me home for the weekend and they said if anything gets worse we need to come in.

After the weekend I went to school every day, because I hated to miss school, even if I was sick I went to school. But on Thursday the 14th April, I had a really bad pain in my stomach again when I took the bus to school. And it only got worse, so my brother came and picked me up. I had so much pain that I barely could walk from the car to our door, I couldn’t lay on our sofa…

My mom got home after maybe 20-30 minutes, but it felt like an eternity.  We went straight to the hospital, they thought that my appendix burst, they didn’t think that it would have something to do with my “mysterious sickness”, but little did they know.

I don’t remember the rest of the day because I slept so much and I was on so many medicines. Anyways, late at night, they said that they needed to operate, so they opened me up and they didn’t find what they thought what it was. They found a burst meckels diverticulum. That was why I was bleeding and why I had so much pain. I was done operated in the middle of the night.

For those who don’t know what a meckels diverticulum is, it’s like an appendix. But it’s more dangerous and only a few have it, only 40 thousand people in Sweden have a meckels diverticulum. And 20% gets trouble with it… so they said that I was very unique.

I hate this scar, I know that so many people get through worse. But it’s my stomach, it’s my body. I have trouble going in a bikini and showing my scar, the first summer I didn’t go swimming at all. I didn’t want to show my scar, I’ve only shown it to my closest friends and family.

But here it is, maybe you don’t think it’s that bad… but I think it is, and it itches a lot too.

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Doctors. Hospitals. Can it be over soon?

I’m tired to my bones, I’m going to bed soon, after this blog post. But I wanted to tell you about my day.
You know that I’ve been visiting the hospital for a while now because I have stomach pain. Really bad one. I had a surgery 2 years ago (I can tell you more about it in another post, if you want ofc. Comment! )  But they think it’s consequences of that surgery.
Sooo, I have an appointment for a CT x-ray, I don’t know what happens if they see what they’re looking for, maybe another surgery?
Anyways, about the math test last Friday, I think it went well. And after that my boyfriend came, he was here the whole weekend.
Goodnight, sleep tight! ❤

Yeees I’m listening to XXXTENTACION.

Can it be weekend soon? :(

I’ve done some math now, I’m so so so tired, it’s almost unbelieveble, I’m going to sleep so good tonight, I was in school today. Going to treat myself later. I’m so nervous for the test on friday. I don’t know what to study…. this is literally making me nuts.

I have such a stomache pain, It hurts when i move or have my hands on the left side. I finally got an appointment next week to the doctors.

I had a “fight” with a girl in school today also, it wasn’t fun. I don’t feel wanted in my class by so many people. But some girls in the class are so nice. Anyways, have a good evening everyone! ❤

Do you have any good blog post ideas I can do??

This was my outfit today!

Bracelet: Thomas Sabo

Hat: H&M

Pants: Carlings

Shirt: Diesel

Shoes: Adidas x Selena Gomez (I haven’t worn them since I bought them, I have used them max 8 times)